January 19, 2013
Ok, How about writing a blog recalling everything that
happened yesterday? I started making resolutions on myself since January the 1st;
I don’t want to call them ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ just like everybody does
because I know Resolutions done on January the 1st are history weeks
later. I’d rather have them as sort of goals but not actually a list of what I
should be or what has to be done. Despite my relatively relaxed resolutions and
a relaxed state of being, I was able to make progress; I completely eliminated
some nuisances on my head which are products of over-anxiety, I improved my way
of thinking on how things run or how they are done, I think my decision making
skills are better, and over-all my emotions are less volatile. I’m not going to
enumerate everything from the start to finish or how they did happen, what’s
important is they did happen and as much as my resolutions are concerned a lot
still has to be done.
As for today, I had my first meet-up with a girl my friend
introduced me. My friend was trying to be a matchmaker but ended up in failure.
The girl’s name was Blaise, spelled like ‘Blaise Pascal’ I think, and I didn’t
get her family name. At first I thought it was going as it should be, but it
ended up Blaise was more interested on her iPhone than the people around her.
There was this feeling of ugly awkward silence in our table when the three of
us are sitting together. I think she wasn’t interested in meeting other people
or if she does then she’s not interested in me. I think the latter is the most
probable cause in this case. Her silence was contagious, when only me and my
friend is present and we meet up I talk like crazy and I laugh a lot. But when
Blaise was there I suddenly dried up of something to say and I ended up just
like myself years ago. I don’t have to describe myself years ago, it’s ugly and
acutely introvert. Anyways, I count it to experience and I really hope the rest
of my future meet-ups won’t be a failure like what happened yesterday. Anyways,
I have nothing to lose and I don’t mind failing and going all over again.
After that terrible meet up we went to Mango square and
drink a few shots of tequila and some beer before we got inside a disco bar, a
sequence we always do when we go to that place. This time is very different, I
haven’t seen the place before as crowded as it was this time. There are so many
people and tables are put almost on the road to accommodate all the
party-goers. The disco place was even worse and you almost can’t move your hand
and feet, how much more dance. As the alcohol seep in on my system, I started
thinking ridiculous. I’m not going to narrate exactly what I thought that time,
it’s not important anyways. It happens all the time and it took me quite long
before I realized I was on the influence of alcohol and I can’t even think
straight. I also swear I’m not crossing highway again when I’m tipsy, it almost
got me into trouble or worse injure me.
PS: I am not a damn writer
January 21, 2013
iamnotadamnwriter
The Sinulog celebration was finally over. The parade, street
dance, crowd, beer, and extravagant displays aren’t new to me. However, this
year’s celebration is unique in a way that I experienced everything on first
hand. Before, I only heard about the street dances on radios, fireworks on
television, and the extreme density of people on streets from secondhand talk
from friends of friends. Perhaps, since this will be my last Sinulog
celebration as a College student, this will be one of my most memorable too.
I’m not an outgoing person, at least that’s how I see myself, and I’m not
accustomed to full day schedules of walking from one place to another. It was
tiring, exhausting, and sometimes the extremely dense crowd can be frustrating.
But we enjoyed everything nonetheless.
The first night was spent at the same place we always go
when we feel like drinking and dancing and yes its name resembles that of a
fruit which is also the name of the street it is in. It was a usual night but
the number of people present on the venue was unbelievable. It was the first
time I saw the place that full. The disco bar itself is so full of people you
can’t barely move any part of your body except your head. Despite that many
people still enjoyed the music, and struggled to dance. The pushing of the
passing people annoys me a lot and oftentimes I go outside to have some fresh
air. I had some brief lapses that night, but I easily remembered that I’m drunk
and I’m not acting nor thinking normally.
The next day, I went to SM to see the fireworks. They had
these so-called mini pyro-Olympics that drew so many people I haven’t seen the
mall that crowded before. I remember comparing it to a disco bar with so much
people you feel like bumping other people if you walk faster than normal. I
went with my mom, my younger sister, younger brother, and my older brother. To
my surprise, I saw some of my friends from high school. They did remind me of
something that if you lose something today don’t expect it to automatically
reappear the other day. Yes, I was referring to the friendship I lost because I
was to insensitive and I didn’t see any importance of it before. But, hey I was
young at that time and it’s not my fault I have bad self-perceptions and low
self-esteem I allow myself to be eaten and overwhelmed by everything that is
happening around me. Anyways, too much explanation, I saw them and I was with
them. Being out-of-place is something that should be expected of course. I have
one word to describe the fireworks, they are amazing.
The day of the celebration we walked some kilometers, and
that’s just the easy part of it. We joined the crowd of extreme density there’s
so much pushing and sweat(it was a hot day). We were able to walk by the avenue
and see some of the good floats with some local artists on it. Not to my
surprise, they are just normal people and sometimes somebody has to point the
celebrity for me to realize they are actually celebrities. I’m not a fan of the
national television and I’m not updated with the current shows so I may not
know all of them most of the time. The
night of that day, we went to Ayala Terraces to see their costly fireworks,
only to be disappointed it wasn’t as good as the past years though it lasted
longer than the ones we saw in SM. After going to Ayala we joined the crowd on
our way back to Mango Avenue only to find out it was filled with so much
people. The crowd in mango avenue is so dense it reminds me of the disco bar
the other night when you can’t move any part of your body except your head.
After some discussions we were able to find a table and settled down to
drinking. It was fantastic, and over all everything was perfect and just the
way it should be.
PS: I am not a damn writer
January 23, 2013
Iamnotadamnwriter
Today, we had a meeting with the CEO of our company’s local
branch. It was just a normal meeting but what’s funny is that everybody
expected it to be different. At least most of us expected a bad news that
turned out to be just a reminder. Like who would expect our CEO would fly
hundreds of kilometers from the capital just to talk to us? Yet, he did. Prior
to this meeting, the previous meetings we’re all disasters. In every meeting,
there’s bad news that has to be absorbed by us. When we finally had enough and
expected another one today, it turned out to just a simple talk that barely
lasted 30 minutes.
I can’t say if I’m one of those who actually expected for a
bad news. But, I can say I’m one of those who finally had enough hearing bad
news every now and then and finally expected something bad this time. Our
company which sponsored our schooling in here is struggling. It has been for
five years now and will probably continue on struggling for more years to come.
Its economics, our company and so are the rest of the world enjoyed its boom
prior to 2007. Now everything is bust, and so are the banks which our company
probably still owes millions of dollars. Well, that’s life. Sometimes we overdo
ourselves and only find out what’s wrong or what has been wrong when we’re
broke. I’m not only referring to being broke financially but also in life. We
sometimes forget things and take all for granted and later realize that we
passed everything out and we’re broke. Based on experience, I can say it’s
terribly ugly.
January 28, 2013
Iamnotadamnwriter
Today’s my younger brother’s birthday. Happy Birthday to him
and I can’t wait to see him grow and be proud of him. He’s my closest sibling
so far, practically because he’s the only one I can easily go along with. He
has a good and passive attitude that you can easily manipulate for the good and
one of the best characteristics I can see in him is that he shows respect to me
and to others without hesitation. His biggest achievement so far is his
admittance to Philippines Science High School. It’s a school only a few could
dream of and I have to admit I was really shocked by his admittance to that
school not because I underestimate him but because it’s a feat I can’t do when
I was his age. He’s my brother, and I’m sure he’s a good one.
Before the start of the weekend we went somewhere for Friday
night. It was a good experience, nothing new but nothing not worth recording in
my memory bank. The place which we always go to partying surprising wasn’t full
of people, but we enjoyed ourselves too much you can’t mind the empty spaces
around you. It’s like dancing alone on the dance floor with all the lights yet
you don’t feel alone. The atmosphere tells it all, it wasn’t a normal Friday night.
That night I realized how good it is to have a sit with your friends and drink;
drinking spices up the conversation. Being with the people I had during that
night was a lot effortless. I’m introverted, so most of the time I had to
prop-up effort to try to be talkative sometimes making me feel awkward. That
happens a lot, especially when I meet new people, but my classmates which I had
that night were my classmates since 1st year college. We lived on
the same dormitory and study on the same classroom 24/7. I can’t be awkward
with them already, not this time. So, basically I was full of myself that
night. Everything was going on smoothly and effortless.
Yesterday, which was Sunday, my mom prepared modest food for
my brother’s birthday celebration. His birthday is today but we had it
celebrated yesterday to take advantage of the fact that we’re complete. My mom
cooked some spaghetti which ubiquitously tastes the same forever. She also
bought a cake on Red Ribbon similar to the one my sister bought for herself
during her birthday last December. I had a good weekend overall.
PS: I am not a damn writer.
February 3, 2013
Iamnotadamnwriter
Good Morning. I have to say today’s a pleasant Sunday
morning. No sunshine but it’s cool and silent; it pays to be at home during
weekends. It feels good to wake up early in the morning while everybody’s still
asleep and you hear the distant call of the church nearby and the people
outside walking briskly to attend their errands. Those scenes are refreshing
for me. A year ago, when I was on the ship I’m always nostalgic about these
kinds of events.
I didn’t have the guts to write anything that happened for
this week, either there’s nothing worth talking about or maybe I’m just too
lazy to write anything at all. Probably it’s the former; I can’t see anything
special that happened this week. Classes were boring and we always try our best
to skip it as much as possible. The teachers were demanding but I don’t think
they still have something to hold on us. Our grades are only credited for
graduation until midterm so it’s safe to skip classes from now on. But, I’m not
planning to do that, not unless the Wi-Fi in the classroom would be gone at
least I still have a reason why I should go to class.
It’s not worth mentioning, but one of my colleagues which is
my classmate sent his ridiculous behavior to the stratosphere last Tuesday. He
has always been demanding like a king, but last Tuesday he put that to the
limit or shall I say to the limit of what we can absorb. I was really pissed
off at that time and I can say the people around me and the people around him
were also pissed off of what he did. But as always we moved on, but I’ll never
forget what he did. I don’t think it’s a good attitude to mess up with other people
just to get what we want. Sometimes we have to sensitive to other people also.
The person I’m talking about is intelligent and I know he understands
everything even if we don’t confront him and tell him what we feel. He can get
it by himself, but the question is will he be willing to change for the good?
PS: I am not a damn writer.
February 16, 2012
Iamnotadamnwriter
When was the last time I wrote something? Yes, it’s the
first week of February then and from that time till now I didn’t have the
interest of an output. It was a long 2 weeks since my last post and a lot of
things happened during that time span. I had my first date and I made a lot of
realizations in life which as of this time no longer matter. I’ll tell you
about my first date. She’s one of my best friends and she returned a book that
I don’t own. At first it takes a lot of courage to actually date a girl. I’m an
introvert type but out of a sudden I became talkative in front of her. The
sense of awkwardness was still there but it was eventually overcome by
happiness. I always like doing it and after that moment I waited for the
perfect timing that I could sense that she’s willing to meet me again. To be
honest I have a very low self-esteem at the very moment, and I always consider
myself of inferior quality from others. Anyways that is about to change as the
year progressed, I planned a way out of it. I never had confidence on myself;
eventually I succeeded and now it’s up to me to make a move on how I will maneuver
it.
Life is full of swings, sometimes it brings you at an
instance where you’re very happy and everything’s doing well and nothing could
be wrong. But sometimes it shows you how cruel reality is. I experienced both
extremes the past weeks; I felt rejected, accepted, happy, melancholic, full of
chance, and hopeless. Despite everything, our life is our choice and how we
live it depends on how we bring ourselves despite the odds in front of us. It’s
easy to think positive, but doing it is a challenge. On the other hand, it’s
far easier to think negative and resort to quitting lessening your losses. A
good life is not for quitters, how I understood it brings me to the fact that
life is a cocktail of ingredients that makes it exciting at the same time
disappointing. The exciting part is just the positive part and the
disappointing side is the negative one some people are having a hard time
adjusting.
As of now, I’m at the toughest moment in my life. I see it
as a breaking point and if I can’t tread over this, then all my resolutions I
made since the start of this year will go on to waste. I chose to change my
entire being out of a need; we all know that our life revolves around us, but
the world doesn’t. We have to make structural changes within ourselves to make
us more able to swim through the odds of the future. I know it’s a tough job
but we never know what may come, and the only way to know it is to try it.
PS: iamnotadamnwriter
The Dilemma of a Newly Graduated (iamnotadamnwriter)
I am not a gifted writer, but that doesn’t stop me from
sharing my views on this matter since sooner or later I would experience the
same thing. A month from now I’ll be on stage wearing my gala and having my
farewell not only on my college life but my life as a student as a whole. It
was a rough ride I could say, but that’s just the easy part of it. In the
lifespan of an average human, nothing beats the experience of being a student.
Your childhood revolves around it and so does your memories of being a teenager
which some considers being the best part of being young. I say it’s a turning
point, it is a period of rapid change in our body and interests shifting away
from being childish to a more advance stage but not without insecurities. The
teenage years are bubbly, but not necessarily a justified one. Being a teenager
we don’t think like an adult but is expected to act like one. As a result we
end up losing ourselves and not turning up to be someone which others expected
us to be like.
The cheesy teenage years ran fruitful of experience but
ended fast. As we enter the last stage of our schooling we start to realize the
realities of life. When we start having difficulties we’re shown the glimpse of
being out of our comfort zone without necessarily being out of it. Our comfort
zone is our personal shelter; though there’s no clear definition of it most of
us can simply describe it rather than define it. Since childhood most of us are
at our comfort zone, when we grow up somehow we have to move away from it just
like a cub separating from the protection of his mother.
Life is a cruel one but not exact unlivable. Doing it one
step at a time you’d realize at the end of the road that there’s something done
rather that resort to quitting and not finishing anything. As of now I’m close
to the end of my journey as a student. But it’s not a sweet one, like my fellow
graduates I’m about to enter a world new and unknown to my instincts. I don’t
know what’s in there, though I have an idea from other people’s past experiences,
I don’t know what’s in store for me. The only way of knowing it perhaps is to
try it myself.
The first thing in mind that comes out of a graduating
student is a job. Full or part-time, a job is an utmost need of a person.
Unfortunately, I graduated at one of the worst period of the business cycle.
Bad business means fewer jobs. On my situation, our company or shall I say my
future employer that paid my college years as a scholar is struggling at home.
Europe is on the verge of collapsing and that’s not an exaggeration. Most
people just don’t want to talk about economics but somehow it’s unavoidable,
whether you like it or not it affects you as much as it affects everyone. The
bad economic climate in Europe, paired with crushing debt made by individuals,
businesses, and governments, is an explosive cocktail that sends ripples around
the globe despite the fact that the recession ended almost 3 years ago.
Me and my fellow scholars we’re reminded about this fact
just this day when our company training officer went here from manila to brief
us on our future. Though he’s not saying the company is giving us up, he’s
saying there’s a rough time ahead and we have to make some sacrifices for the
mean time. For how long remains a question mark, the outlook of the global
economy in which our sector shipping is very sensitive remains bleak. Everyday
companies are bleeding cash and losing and resort to downsizing and austerity
measures. That means less opportunities and jobs for people in my sector.
On the local economy, the Philippines just recently became
one of the new tigers of Asia. It’s economy expanded by the second highest rate
in Asia after China. Buildings and developments are sprouting everywhere and
the boom lead by BPO’s and real estate is putting the economy on a feeding
frenzy. I don’t know where the cash came from, the Philippines is a poor
country and high revenue from OFW remittances can’t be justified by the weak
job markets abroad. On the positive side, inflation is under control and people
have more money to spend. At least that’s what the government says.
Being a jobseeker in the in the local economy is challenging
but not necessarily a hard one. Still the outlook remains bleak for the rest of
the economy. Perhaps it’s not only the negative effects of being born in a
third world country but also
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