Back to Cebu!

I have good news and bad news. The good news is I’m back to Cebu; my one and only hometown. I don’t want to be ‘anywhere else’ other than here; except New Zealand, Melbourne, Singapore, and yes Sydney of course, I love that place too... Ok, just forget about it. The bad news is I’m back to Cebu; I’ll talk more about that later.

Before I start describing my experience in the imperial metropolis of Metro Manila, I want to tell you that my mood right now is not the same as it was before. I’m suffering from mild depression but generally I’m Ok, just very sad in so many levels. I want to tell you about it but it’s just so hard to explain and to be honest I don’t even understand how things happen in my life. I just let it happen because I’m tired of thinking about it. I know it’s still worth living, but I’m just tired about life and almost all the time I just want to take a break and rest and call it a day even if nothing worthwhile happened that day. There are even times when I just stop in the middle of the road and cry in my mind and sometimes pray that things can get better. Thank God there are so many things to be thankful for so I’m not thinking about it anymore. Like I said I’m just tired and that’s all I can say.

Ok, so back to my story. On my way to Manila, due to some mere coincidence I have the same flight with my aunt. She has a house in Caloocan and she visits it often since it is under renovation right now. She has two bags (obviously more than the 7 kilos limit), but what is really surprising is what is inside those bags. A bottle of vinegar, some baby shrimps with very strong and foul odor, and goats head? I don’t know. I seriously don’t have any idea what are the rest but it’s just super nasty. She knows there is a big chance it’s not going anywhere (like seriously it’s an airport what do you expect?), but she still persevered and said maybe it will be ok. It turns out far from ok and of course the airport security didn’t allow it to pass through and she asked me to bring it back to her husband waiting outside the airport. On my way out was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Bringing that foul smelling plastic bag filled with everything with everyone looking at me is just unbearable and that wasn’t even my fault!

When we arrived in Manila I got picked up by my cousin who also lives in Caloocan. He brought me to the place where I’m staying. The place was generally ok, it’s very close to the city but I definitely don’t want to live there. The neighborhood was semi-slum and there are so many people and zero privacy. I’m staying in my aunt’s place, it’s a two story house but someone else occupies the lower floors and worse they share a communal bathroom/toilet! And their neighbor living downstairs is not that friendly either. Their house is very small and I can’t figure out how they managed to survive living there all these years assuming that when my cousins are younger all of them like the whole family lives there! So weird.

So, in their house they have three very stupid dogs. I forgot the names and I’m not interested either. They are extremely stupid and perhaps the most stupid dog I’ve ever met. They bark like crazy but very lazy and coward at the same time. The first time we met they hated me so much which was normal but they seem to have amnesia all the time and bark at me the second time we met, then the third, then the fourth, they just bark all the time. They see me as a stranger even if we see each other every day. If I compare it to our dog, even if we haven’t met for a year they will still recognize me and see me as a family.

On my second day in Manila nothing happened, they have this weird catholic celebration where they guide a statue on the small streets of manila while followers literally on the millions go with the statue with the hope that it will bring them good luck. Because I’m not catholic, I find it weird. Their pope is in the country too, I’ll talk about that later but all I can say is I like their pope and I think he’s a good man.

On the third day I was renewing my passport, no big deal, they just have to keep us waiting for 6 hours to have the entire process done. I was so sleepy all the time but luckily the weather was good and I wasn’t that bored. Processing everything in this third world country takes a long time. I don’t really understand why they have this weird cut-off thing where they only accept 200 applications a day when there are 100 million people in this overpopulated country. Seriously, where’s the logic? They should’ve figured a different way of doing things to accommodate so many Filipinos who want that small maroon book.

On Sunday that week we went to Caloocan City where another aunt lives. It’s like a slum and there are so many people everywhere. I don’t like the environment there and I don’t want anywhere near there either. Apparently, my aunt (the other one) wants me to be there for whatever reason she has. I don’t think I have a place to sleep on that place and honestly I prefer dealing with the stupid dogs on the place I was staying(It’s in Legarda in the city of Manila I think) rather than stay on that place. There are a bunch of weirdos there too. But I’m honestly grateful for their hospitality; I just don’t understand how people can be stupid while drunk. What happened is since I can’t be drunk I have to deal with drunken people while I’m very sober. Hearing them talk makes me want to puke, I mean not really puke, it’s just that I even doubt if they still remember how stupid they were when they are already sober. I’ve tried being drunk a lot, but I can’t remember doing or saying really stupid things. Honestly, not even in my lifetime.

The next day, I went to this clinic to have my drug and alcohol test done. It was a very normal procedure but I don’t like the clinic, I don’t like any clinics actually… they make want to go somewhere else that is more serene and ‘normal’ rather than see needles and medical people in masks doing rather random stuffs on people’s bodies to determine if they’re still normal. It’s not a very ‘normal’ place for me. But the whole thing is over in half a day and all I did was wait for the result which thanks god everything is fine.

After I reported back to the office I heard a very bad news. I have to wait for my passport delivered to have all my errands done and go back to Cebu and wait for my departure date. When I say departure date I meant the time when I leave this country and go somewhere else and work. Honestly I don’t even think all my errands will be over in the future. When something’s finished a new one emerges and much worse. Like I said earlier it stresses me too much that I don’t even want to talk about it anymore. I’m so tired, not physically but mentally. Anyways, I think that’s just the way life is.

For my flight back to Cebu, I bought a ticket worth 4000 pesos! It’s the most expensive ticket I’ve ever bought for myself and I can’t really remember why I bought that one. All I remember is I was desperate to go back to Cebu in time before everything goes so expensive.

 I was happy to be back in Cebu, everything is just the way it is but so different from Manila. The differences are obvious and I really feel at home in here. Unfortunately, my mom is not too happy about it. I don’t understand what the deal with her is. I don’t understand why she hates me for something I don’t have control with. I think she’s pretty upset about me being reliant to her meager resources and not doing enough based on her stupid standards. My mom is super moody but very predictable, I know what her problem is and I know what upsets her. I’m not saying I don’t know everything, in fact I know everything about her and dad and her stupid mood swings and what causes it, I just don’t know what’s wrong with it and why she’s so upset of so many stuffs that I find simple and easy. It’s hard to explain! L I know she’s working hard for her family which is us and I value that but everything she does has a feeling that it is forced on her and I don’t feel her love all the time. I don’t really feel so much affection to her or dad. It’s just too synthetic and plastic if I do, I’m more like a robot to them and they’re more like a robot to me. Sorry, I hope I don’t make it sound so rude but that’s really what I’m feeling right now. I appreciate their support, it’s just that I don’t feel like they are doing it because they want to; rather they do it because they have to. It’s like they are forced to do it just like how everything happens in this family. Anyways, Thanks for that! This family is a very bad example and I don’t want my future family to be like this one. This is a very bad example.