Just Bored

January 27, 2015

It was a long time since I last wrote in this thing; there’s nothing really special to write anyways. Life is really boring at this point and I’ve done nothing other than sit the whole day and play clash of clans and even that is getting old. Doing nothing the whole day and even the whole week is relaxing at start but it can get pretty old easily especially if you always have this feeling that you’re waiting for something to happen. It’s not actually the anxiety but it’s the feeling of not having the control of anything that kills you. Anxiety is normal but that depends on how you handle it. I’ve been good in handling my own anxiety problems recently, though it’s far from perfect but I’ve been better.

The house has never been the same. I don’t know if it is just me and my perception changed or the environment itself has changed. I think it’s both, the recent days I haven’t talked that much and I have no intention either. I feel so bored and I honestly don’t know what to do once the internet is gone, but I know I can find a way. A letter was delivered yesterday that says we have to pay our balance to the telecom company that gives us internet or else they will cut our connection. Not funny but I think it’s the least of my concern as of now.

Next week I’m probably going back to Manila. I don’t like it, I hate that place and that’s probably the last on my list of places I want to visit. Anyways, I don’t have a choice it’s basically do or die and I have to be there. I just think of it as a task that I have to do and try to get things finished as fast as I can and try so hard not to get frustrated on anything. In fact I got tired of thinking of so many things that perhaps my brain just stopped worrying about what may happen in the future. I hate the future so much, why do humans have to worry about it and why do we kill ourselves now just to accomplish everything that we may not live to see? Anyways, as usual I don’t have a choice and whether I like it or not, I’m going back to Manila.

Obviously mom is not so happy about it. I hope she understands as well as dad but I know they don’t. I just pray that they will eventually know about my suffering just to get this through. Not that I want them to suffer but I want them to realize that I make a lot of sacrifices too. Every time I get upset I just let it pass through and I don’t take so much notice of it. Eventually things generally subside and go back to normal. As of now, no more drama like what I did a few weeks back. I don’t like that and I hope I don’t do it again.

What else, I was trying to find a lost document but I really lost it and obviously I have to get a new one. It’s really important and I know I’ll be having a hard time finding a new one for sure. I’m not so happy about it but again I just have to do it. L